3:56 p.m.
"So I said: ‘yeah but what about the rubber chicken, what's his story?'" Van finished his tale with a huge smile.

"That is seriously wacked, man. Seriously," answered Deaq shaking his head and stifling a laugh.

Walking into head quarters, A.K.A. "The Candy Store" Van and Deaq headed up the steps to the center office. It wasn't a typical head quarters so why have a typical office for the boss? The room was round with transparent walls, or rather one transparent wall encircling a desk and some chairs.

"See this is wrong. I know she ain't in there. I can SEE she ain't in there but here I am marching my ass up here like some trained dog or somethin," said Deaq as the two officers walked through the doorway.

"Make that two trained mutts. Woof!" said Van. "As long as I'm not her bitch," he added.

Deaq just glared at Van. The boss was apparently running late so they decided to make themselves comfortable. The two sat down. Deaq checked his watch and let out a little sigh. They were simple actions but the meaning was clear. Van on the other hand was being about as subtle as ever.

"Telling us to be on time like a couple of school kids and leave us waiting. Oh I don't think so!" Van all but yelled as he jumped up from his chair and began circling around the perimeter of the narrow room. He looked through the "wall" of the office and checked out the latest in their seized valuables: a green and white Triumph motorcycle. It was a nice bike but not on the same level as the rest of the stuff in the candy store. Fancy cars, custom motorcycles, costly jewelry, illegal drugs and more cash than a small bank made up the tools of their trade. Housed inside an abandoned theater, the collection of valuables gave the impression of being part of a museum. The stuff they acquired on each case was used to fund their further work. Work they were supposed to be doing right now only one member of the atypical police unit was late. Van pulled his attention away from the bike and again fixed it on Deaq. His partner was calmly sitting, well slouching, in his chair looking bored.

"This doesn't piss you off?" asked Van.

"She's late, I'll live," was his concise answer.

The "she" they were referring to was Billie their boss. Billie was very hot but also something of a mystery as they knew little about her life outside work, that was assuming she had one. Undercover work often left little time to pursue outside activities as Van and Deaq were all too aware.

"See we would have had plenty of time to stop at Starbucks," Van all but whined. Deaq had been driving and had refused another caffeine stop on the grounds that if they were late the two would be forced to use the Jetta for the next week. Billie was not the type of woman who took kindly to being made to wait.

One week earlier:
After the three had successfully stopped a gun smuggling ring, a bright yellow Jetta had been among the cars seized. Billie had sold the rest, or traded them, or whatever she did to convert cars to capital to finance their activities. The Jetta, which had belonged to the son of the head of the smuggling organization, had been sitting between a black mustang cobra and a burgundy corvette stingray. It stuck out in the crowd of extremely costly and rare automobiles. When Van had asked why the car was there after showing up ten minutes late, Billie told him it was going to be their new wheels if either of them were not on time for a meeting again.

Back to now:
"Don't get to snarking at me. I didn't know she'd be late. Besides, if you had another latte you'd be climbing up the walls rather then just going around them," said Deaq as Van made his thirteenth circuit around the small room.

"You know what?"

"I don't think I want to," remarked Deaq quietly.

"Five minute rule. Five minute rule, baby. If she's not here in five minutes we get to leave," said Van while still circling the office.

"That's ten minute rule. I remember in High school it was ten minutes with no teacher equaled no class."

"Five. It's always been five. Ten minute? What kinda screwed up highschool would have a ten minute rule?"

"Van, it's ten, it always was ten and it's always gonna be ten, now sit yo ass down you makin' me dizzy," said Deaq hoping that would be the end of it but knowing it probably wouldn't be.

Van had finally come to a stop behind Billie's desk. A can of cola was sitting on top of some case files. The label read "Venenum Cola" and had a cartoon neon green snake with bulging eyes and a lolling tongue.

"All right, caffeine time," Van said aloud.

"Oh no you not gonna start messing with her stuff again."

"She's late and I'm gonna fall asleep if I don't get something to wake me up," looking not the least bit tired.

"How ‘bout a smack upside the head?" asked Deaq only half kidding. "Don't do it dawg."

Van grabbed the soda, opened it and had chugged half of it before Deaq even had a chance to protest again.

"Don't you come cryin' to me ‘bout this later when she gets mad."

Van, having finished the soda said, "Deal. No crying."

**************

After Van and Deaq had waited a few more minutes for Billie they finally decided to chill by watching a movie. Each taking a huge, modern red sofa for themselves they started watching The Getaway (1972 version). As usual Van couldn't keep from talking through it even after Deaq threw the only weapon in reach, a crumpled up newspaper, at him. As Van continued to yack away, more constantly than usual, Deaq thought about the other weapon in reach that he hadn't first thought of seriously: his gun.

"I mean look at that it's just so great isn't it? Isn't it?" Van chattered.

Deaq looked away from the screen about to threaten his partner with serious bodily harm when he noticed something.

"Van, you aright?" he questioned seeing bloodshot eyes staring back at him.

"What?" asked Van looking totally confused.

"I asked you if you alright?" now seeing that Van's pupils looked totally dilated making his usually light eyes look black in the center.

"What did I do?" responded Van still seeming thoroughly lost.

Deaq jumped up and strode over to where his partner was perched on the edge of the sofa. Van by nature was a lounger, he just never sat upright and with anything approaching reasonable posture. Deaq wasn't much better himself. When they had plopped down on the sofas Deaq had seen Van sprawled out over most of the huge piece of furniture. Now his partner was sitting on the very edge both legs bouncing up and down quickly.

"What's going on?" Deaq asked slowly and enunciating more clearly than he had in years.
Van, finally appearing to understand that he was being asked a question and was required to answer, looked Deaq in the eyes and said, "Bored. Let's play some ball."

Van then jumped up so quickly he nearly knocked Deaq over. Grabbing the basketball off the floor without missing a step Van ran over to the indoor half court. He was already dribbling and running in circles before Deaq had even stepped away from the sofa.

"Van, you makin' me feel like a fool askin' over an over but what's wrong with you?"

"Nothin.' You game dawwwwwg?" Van took a free throw that bounced off the backboard. He smiled hugely at Deaq as he ran by to retrieve the ball.

"Okay," Deaq said deciding to indulge Van until he could figure out what happened.

*******************

Billie had arrived shortly after 5:00 p.m. to find Deaq pacing around the showroom looking really pissed off. She couldn't see Van but did hear him yelling about something, his voice echoing off the high ceilings.

"He been's like this for almost an hour," Deaq informed Billie wearily.

"Damnit, I was supposed to be a rodeo clown!" yelled the disembodied voice.

"What happened?" asked Billie. Deaq quickly relayed the story of their day, which started out uneventful. Billie stood, arms crossed looking nonplused.

"So I let him go up there to get it out," Deaq finished his story explaining why Van was currently upstairs beating on the punching bag like it was a child molester caught in the act. Billie said nothing to Deaq, just turned away and walked to her office. The stiffness in her walk could have been anger or frustration or possibly even concern, there was no way to tell. Deaq slowly followed his boss though he got the feeling if the office had a door it would have been slammed in his face.

"I ordered green NOT purple. And no fries with that!" Van's screaming voice rang through the building. The soft whomping sound of the punching bag being hit continued.

"Where's the evidence?" Billie stormed out and stared accusingly at Deaq.

"Wha?"

"The can. It was on the desk, right there," Billies pointed to the now empty spot on her desk.
She then saw the look of realization on Deaq's face.

"I'm not running a day care center so I know I don't want to hear an explanation that includes the line ‘he took something off my desk and drank it.'"

"Well ..."

"Damn it! Can't I trust you two with anything. For crying out loud you carry guns, maybe I can't trust you with those either."

"Billie," Deaq cut the tirade short. "Just tell me what was in the soda and what's it doin' to Van."

Right on cue a strange yowling noise started from the upper area where Van was still apparently beating on the punching bag.

With a frustrated sigh Billie slowly and clearly explained, "That can was the evidence that was supposed to go with me to a meeting with the D.A., a meeting that is supposed to happen in about thirty minutes."

"But what was in it and why it turn Van into the A-D-D special?"

"It's a mix of stimulants and amphetamines. The drugs are mixed in with cola. The caffeine intensifies the effects of the mix allowing for maximum effect on minimum doses. It's profitable and you two were supposed to "become" the newest L.A. suppliers. I wanted you two here and ready for the deal tonight. I was gonna' swing by the D.A.'s office with the "sample" before so I could get some extra backup, these guy's are armed to the teeth."

"Why you need to be provin' to the D.A.?"

"Long story, let's just say I seriously pissed him off and have to play by the books for a while."

"But not us, right?"

Billie gave no answer, just a smirk.

Van broke into song in a falsetto screech, "I'm not a girl. Not yet a woman. All I need it time..."

"Is that Britney Spears he's singing?" asked Billie.

Ignoring her question and trying desperately to block out the sounds coming from his definitely male partner, "Okay, you say this stuff is uppers, right? And the caffeine does what?"

"It intensifies the effects. It's a special mix that's designed to be extra activated when combined with caffeine in the body."

"Van said he had two huge Lattes today."

"Okay, that helps explain why he's so ..."

Van reached the chorus again,"I'm not a girl, Ohhh Ohhh Ohhh. Not yet a woman, yeah."

"So, glad we cleared that up Van," Deaq said quietly.

Billie switched into professional mode, "Here's what we're going to do. I'll make the deal in your place. They've met me and trust me, that'll at least get me in the door. I'll get back up in earlier than planned. We'll get them with the drugs. It won't be the deal but we can definitely get them for possession and if we're lucky trafficking too."

"What about the D.A.? Can you still get enough back up?"

"I'll make due, pull in some favors."

Van had apparently tired of Britney, though not singing, and had switched to something else, "...my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains."

Deaq finally realized something, "Wait, if you didn't need us ‘till tonight why you make us get here so early?"

Billie smiled, "I wanted to see your faces when you walked in late and I told you the Jetta was your new wheels."

"But YOU was late."

"Mmm. Yeah but I'm the boss."

"I don't know Billie. I think you should be driving that thing."

"Not a chance. Besides I'll need something better if I'm gonna convince these guy's I have more money to play with than they thought."

"Wait, you're leaving me with him?" Deaq asked pointing to where Van was still playing no music karaoke.

"He'll be fine. The effects don't last more than twelve hours. Although considering the extra caffeine I'm not sure."

"Don't you think we should take him to the hospital or something?"

"Not unless we have to - too much explaining. If he has trouble breathing or starts seizing get him in right away. He should be fine though."

"I don't know ‘bout this."

A sudden bang stopped both of them. It was followed by another bang as a falling object narrowly missed the office wall. Billie and Deaq exited the office to find that Van had thrown both his boots down from the upper floor, loft exercise area.

"Heeeey. I though you weren't gonna' come out and pla-ay," Van shouted in a sing - song voice.
Billie turned to Deaq, "Get him down, keep him on the main floor. I'm going to see Clarence and his boys. I'll call when it's finished."

"I could go, you stay," offered Deaq eager to escape his looney partner for a few hours.

"Oh no, you let him do it, so you're going to take care of him."

Deaq knew arguing wasn't going to get him anywhere.

"You gonna take the Jetta?" he asked joking.

"No I'll leave it for you just in case, since it's going to be the only car either of you will be driving for a very long time."

With that Billie left and Deaq went upstairs to go collect his partner.

***************

Deaq arrived at the top of the stairs only to be greeted by silence.

"Van? What you up to now partner?" he called out.

Deaq then noticed Van was sitting perched on the railing facing away from him and towards the open show area below. On an ordinary day, that would be one that was only slightly less eventful, Deaq would be unnerved to see Van sitting on the edge like that. Given the circumstances Van's position was very disconcerting. Occasionally the two would sit in the old theater seats above that overlooked the entire space below. The height gave the illusion of solitude and they usually only ended up there to talk about the more personal "touchie feelie" stuff. This section of the upper level however, was reserved for the punching bag and the occasional argument.

"Van? Why don't you come over here for a minute," Deaq asked in an even tone. He didn't want to upset Van. He could see his partner's legs swinging back and forward on the other side of the railing. The movement was not too fast but seemed to be steadily increasing in speed and distance covered. Deaq was becoming worried that Van would lose his balance and fall to the main level below.

"I let him die. I didn't stop it," Van said softly.

"Come here and tell me ‘bout it man," Deaq could see the legs gaining speed and momentum.

"You know. You know. Oh God, you ..." Van's voice raised in volume then cut off abruptly.

Deaq was now seriously worried. He had no idea why Van's mood had suddenly changed so dramatically. He was slowly inching toward where Van was sitting on the rail top. Van had his arms wrapped around himself protectively. His legs were swinging alternately at a frantic pace and his entire figure was rocking back and forward on the narrow railing. Deaq knew it was time to get the drugged man off the edge now or scrape him up from the floor below after. The twenty foot drop to the unforgiving hard wooden floor below would probably do some considerable damage. Using his best authoritative voice Deaq commanded, "Van grab hold of the railing, NOW."

"You ... he ... no, ugh!" Van said, though not necessarily in response to Deaq. He didn't drop his hands to the raining on either side of his legs but instead he began running his hands up and down his sides, arms still crossed.

"Officer Ray! Put your hands on the rail, NOW!" Deaq shouted at Van. He was only about six feet away but if he made a lunge for Van he could accidentally push him forward to the drop below.

Van rocked far enough to throw off his balance and he grabbed for the railing beneath him to stabilize himself. His hands slipped and he began to fall forward. Deaq sprang forward and wrapped his arms around Van's torso and pulled the man backwards. The two fell back onto the floor behind them, Van on top of Deaq nearly pushing the air right out of him. The building was silent except for their harsh pants. Several seconds passed.

"Here's the part where one of us comes up with the funny line," Deaq said, still pinned under Van. Having received no response from Van, Deaq decided to let it go and concentrated on maneuvering himself out from under the human weight. As he shifted Van off to the side Deaq felt the shaking resume. Once the quivering Van was on the floor Deaq kneeled over him and took Van's hands into his own intending to get the man's attention through the physical contact. What he got instead was a slippery feeling as Van quickly withdrew his hands with a pained yelp. Deaq looked down at his own hands to see the palms covered in blood. He reached forward and grabbed Van by the wrists before he could pull away again. Van's hands were covered in blood, so much in fact that Deaq couldn't even make out the source of the injury. He felt a surge of panic as he quickly assessed his partners condition, looking for any evidence of further injuries. It was then that he noticed the large twin blood stains on Van's shirt. The bright red stood out in stark contrast to the white of his wife beater. Deaq let go of Van's wrists. Van pulled his arms back and wrapped them around himself as he had been doing before when sitting on the railing. The result was more blood on the shirt, a definite relief for Deaq to see that there appeared to be no farther wounds on his partner.

"Jeez. Come on Van we gotta go get a look at this," Deaq said, crouched over the prone man. Without giving his partner time to argue, Deaq reached an arm under Van's back below his shoulder blades and raised him to a sitting position. Van seemed confused by the action and looked around as though the change in perspective had caused him to forget where he was. Considering the dilated pupils and continued shaking Deaq thought it may well have. Deaq didn't want to grab Van by the hands for fear of exacerbating the wounds and was for a moment at a loss as to how to best get Van to stand up so he could get him down to the main level for a better look.

**************

After getting Van down to the main level and seated on a couch Deaq went to get the first aid kit. He was satisfied that Van's only injuries were the numerous cuts on his hands, especially his knuckles. Deaq was already feeling angry with himself for not checking on Van sooner. He had thought that letting Van get his extra energy out on the punching bag was been a good idea. Stupidly assuming Van would think to wear gloves was an oversight on his part and not something he would forgive himself for for a long time. It wasn't really the cut and bruised hands that upset him but rather the thought of what could have happened. Seeing Van on the edge of falling - literally had been... Well, Deaq thought he better not consider it all right now, plenty of time to worry on things later. For now he had to protect his partner, even if it was from a self induced threat.

Deaq glanced back to where he had left Van. He had told Van, in no uncertain terms, that if he "got his skinny white ass off the sofa he'd be looking at a serious beating." Or something like that. The threat was clear enough that even with his drugged clouded mind Van could tell that Deaq was serious about what he said. Deaq could see that Van had not got up but was still on the sofa with his damaged hands held against his chest. While he may not have stood he was still squirming and jittering around enough that the movement was visible from all the way across the building where Deaq was looking through the cabinets for the medical kit.

"You okay over there?" Deaq called out, before ducking back to continue his search.

Van's head whipped around fast enough that he found himself dizzy from the movement. Someone was calling to him. What did he want? He recognized that voice. Oh, wait it was Andre, he could just make out the fuzzy dark shape in the distance. Andre was asking him if he was okay. Andre was here. Wait, Andre was here? That didn't seem right at all. But Van just couldn't figure out what was wrong with this picture. He decided it didn't matter, his partner was here so everything was going to be okay.

"Fine. Just fine, Dre," Van called back. Van felt confused and amazingly anxious but decided he had to concentrate and keep it together until Andre came back over, then he could talk to him and ask him why he couldn't stop shaking.

Deaq heard Van say something back but he couldn't make it out, what with having his head and shoulders completely inside the cupboard. Didn't matter though, he thought, Van was probably just spouting nonsense replies anyway. He still didn't know what Van had been talking about earlier on the railing and he somehow doubted Van would even remember if he asked him later.

"This is ridiculous!" Deaq said to himself in frustration. They always kept the kit in the same general area and he'd never had to open more that a couple to doors to find it. Thinking back he remembered the last person to used it had been - surprise - Van. Deaq wondered just how good his partner's survival instinct was. Boy got hurt more often that he should. Most of those hurts came along with the emotional pain Van insisted on leaving himself open to. Deaq hoped it wouldn't consume his sensitive partner but he feared eventually Van wouldn't be able to continue getting hurt. Van would either have to toughen up or leave. Deaq decided to not even consider the third option which involved his friend eating a bullet and buried six feet under.

Deaq made his way to the bathroom where the first aid kit was most likely to be. Van usually forgot to put it away when he was finished with it and had been in there cleaning and covering a cut below his neck on his upper back last week. Deaq had been confused at the time why Van wouldn't let him or Billie help him take care of the cut. It hadn't been very deep but the slice had been about five inches long and could have still had glass fragments in it. Despite it being in an awkward spot for Van to reach he had insisted he could take care of it himself and had stomped off to the bathroom with the kit in hand leaving Deaq and Billie staring after him. They had chalked it up to Van's being upset over the way the case had turned out and not wanting to have the others around at the time. But as Deaq considered it now that made no sense. Van was overly emotional and dramatic but he didn't run away from his coworkers when upset. Deaq had set him straight before when Van failed to show at an arranged time and left him hanging and worried for hours. If anything Van stayed right with them so he could whine to an audience about his problems or work them out by talking. Deaq was not always sure there was a difference. Either way the more Deaq considered it Van's insisting on patching up his own back had been odd. A contortionist might not have asked for help but Van turning down the offer given the wound placement had made no sense.

Van was doing his best to stay where he was and wait for Andre to return. It was difficult considering all four limbs felt like they wanted to run off in separate directions. Van put his hands on his knees to try to stop them from bouncing. Looking down he noticed that his hands were covered in blood, some dry, some fresh and still flowing. The skin was covered in numerous cuts and gashes and was already starting to darken with the promise of what were likely to turn into spectacular bruises. Van wondered how that had happened.

Deaq found the kit on the bathroom counter amid dozens of bottles and containers of typical bathroom stuff. The three of them, the employees of the Candy Store, had amassed quite a collection of hair care products, toothpastes, mouth washes and other personal grooming products. Deaq felt strangely pleased that he had the least number of unnecessary toiletries. Not surprisingly Van appeared to have the most though some of the items could have been either Van's or Billie's. Watermelon scented liquid hand soap: the only thing Deaq knew was that it certainly wasn't his. Grabbing the metal box from among the junk which nearly covered the counter he returned to find his partner looking at his hands as if he had just realized they were hurt.

"Gonna' be sore tomorrow," Deaq remarked as he approached Van, holding up the first aid kit. "Got the stuff to patch you up. Any chance you'll start putting this thing away when you're done wit' it?" Deaq watched as Van stopped looking at his hands and turned his eyes to Deaq. The pupils were still totally dilated and it gave Van a creepy look, almost completely black centers surrounded by blood shot red. If it had been anybody but Van Deaq would have been really unnerved by the site. He decided to ignore the eyes and focus on Van's abused hands. Deaq sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of Van. He set the kit down beside himself took his friend's hand gently in his own and began sterilizing the numerous cuts.

Van saw Andre come sit in front of him and he did nothing to stop him from taking his hand and fixing it. Van knew something was wrong here. He knew Andre couldn't be here but he could feel his hand being held in place by two strong darker hands. They were has partner's hands. Van looked at the man in front of him trying to force his eyes to focus properly. If he could just see Dre's face clearly as well as feel him then that would mean he was here, he had to be.

Deaq continued to clean and bandage Van's hands. Deaq avoided eye contact so as not to get distracted. He noticed the shaking seemed to be lessening to just small tremors and Van appeared to finally have stopped sweating. Unfortunately he was also not talking which was, needless to say, a bad sign where Van was concerned. Deaq supposed Van must be uncomfortable about letting Deaq help him. Deaq thought back and realized that Van had always bandaged his own wounds. He'd never realized it until now but he couldn't think of one time that he had done this type of thing before for Van.

"Van, why didn't you ever let me help you patch up before?" Deaq asked, not really expecting a coherent answer but hoping nonetheless he might get one.

"You'll think I'm a sissy. Dad used to say a man takes care of his own cuts. Caught Mom cleaning my knee once after I fell and he told me I was a sissy boy," Van said his voice sounding clearer than it had all night.

"How old were you?"

"Six."

"Damn," Deaq wanted to give Van's father a piece of his mind right then. That or a piece of his fist, whichever came first. Deaq looked up to see Van's black and red eyes full of tears.

"Deaq?"

"Yeah?" not sure what to say to his partner right then. Van pulled his now bandaged hands away.

"Deaq, I, I'm sorry I screwed up. I didn't want to get Dre killed. I swear. You're - he's not here and I ... I, it's my fault," Van said as his head drooped to stare at the floor, too ashamed to look at Deaq.

"Van, I know. We been over this. I know you loved my brother and I don't blame you. It just happened and you didn't pull the trigger."

Van was crying silently, his long hair shrouding his face from Deaq's view. Deaq could hear Van quietly repeating phrases about how sorry he was and how he had failed and was an awful person. Soon the silent tears became loud sobs and Deaq was at a loss what to do.

*********************

"I need you down here now. He's buggin' on me here," said Deaq into the phone while keeping an eye on his sobbing partner.

"I'm sorry Deaq but I've got make the meeting with Clarence since you two can't do it. It's going down in a few minutes. Deal with it," said Billie, not sounding the least bit apologetic.

"I think he's getting worse."

"Is his breathing still okay?"

"Yeah it's aright," said Deaq while watching Van's shuddering sobs.

"Good. If he starts having any physical problems remember to take him to the hospital. Otherwise do what I told you and keep him there until it wears off," Billie commanded.

"Yeah," Deaq replied sounding unimpressed.

"Hey, don't get mad at me because your partner can't keep his hands off the evidence," Billie said stopping the conversation by disconnecting.

Deaq hung up the phone and watched Van through the clear office wall.

"What happened to the deal to not cry ‘bout this later?" Deaq said to himself. He didn't know what to do. Normally if someone was this upset Van would take care of it, he was just better at handling these things than Deaq was. Sure Deaq had comforted plenty of ladies before but never a guy. Most of the time if a guy was carrying on like it was because the got caught and was going to prison for a long time. Deaq had no sympathy for criminals, especially those dumb enough to get caught. Any dude who was this upset for a good reason, like watching his girl get blown away Deaq would turn over to someone else who was more sympathetic. If Deaq had to deal with men crying he would likely give them a slap upside the head and tell them to knock it off. For this reason Van or Billie always handled the distraught witnesses and Deaq was happy with the arrangement. Now, however, he was alone and had to handle this himself and even if he often said otherwise he cared a great deal for Van and was not about to leave him alone to his misery. Deaq considered his options for dealing with Van. Much as he would prefer to just leave Van alone he decided that wasn't going to happen. His partner needed someone and since there was no one else around he was going to have to be it. Deaq just hoped he wouldn't find himself yelling at Van or saying something that hurt his sensitive partner's feelings.

Deaq suddenly had an idea: maybe if he thought of Van as a chick he could do this. After all he was acting like one, all crying and stuff. Deaq had had girlfriends get upset before and he'd made them feel better. Of course with them the feeling better part included kissing and often sex afterwards. Well, if he could just do the rest of it then that would be fine because even though he would take a bullet for Van he certainly wasn't going to neck with the guy - or worse. But if he could just use the Deaq charm he might be able to make Van feel better.

Deaq left the center office area and walked back to where Van was sitting on the sofa, crunched over and still sobbing. Deaq reminded himself one more time to be nice and sensitive. He stood right in front of Van but couldn't find the right words which wasn't so bad because Van couldn't be reasoned with right now. It was time for action. He sat down beside Van and put his arm over his shoulders. It was stiff and awkward and Deaq felt acutely aware that this was an invasion of personal space. He wasn't sure if it was his space or Van's that was being invaded but he felt like this was way too close to stay to another guy for any length of time. Deaq was thinking this wasn't such a great idea. Maybe he should go find a throw pillow for Van to hug. One of his ex- girls had always grabbed one when she was upset. Actually she usually grabbed them all and threw all but the last one at Deaq. Right about the time Deaq was thinking about getting up and away Van latched onto him. He wrapped his arms around Deaq and sobbed against Deaq's chest. Deaq froze and stiffened then remembered his earlier plan to pretend Van was a girl. Deaq started rubbing one hand up and down Van's back. They stayed like that for a few minutes. Deaq found himself feeling less and less uncomfortable. This wasn't so bad after all. Having a warm body held tight against him felt damn good even if that body happened to be his male partner. Lost in his thoughts Deaq hadn't really noticed that Van was winding down and was just sniffling and hiccuping occasionally.

"I don't know how you can stand to be near me," Van said his voice rough. "I got your brother killed and yet you still stayed. Why did you stay?"

Startled by Van's suddenly speaking and noticing how he finally sounded coherent Deaq decided to just answer honestly, "Told myself I'd leave soon as I found Andre's killer. Go back to New York. But I started thinking ‘bout what you said about me not knowing my brother as well as I thought I did. It really pissed me off when you said it but then I realized you were right. He was gone and all that was left was my memories, and yours. I wanted to stay to hear you talk about him but then you never did. When Billie offered me the job, well it just seemed to fit."

Deaq was shocked by what he just admitted. That was probably the most honest thirty seconds of his life. It didn't matter that Van was curled up around him. It didn't feel wrong at all, it just felt right. Andre's death was what had first brought them together. It still connected them in a deep and powerful grief that went unspoken until now. Deaq realized that neither of them had really dealt with it. They had just jumped into the next case and continued to work, becoming loyal partners more quickly then either of them had realized. They had helped to fill a void in each other's hearts. But even so they had not forgiven themselves: Van for not saving Andre and Deaq for having stayed so far from his brother for so long.

Without thinking about his actions Deaq laid down behind Van, sandwiching himself between the couch back and Van's back. He pulled Van down with him and held him against his chest tightly. Van snuggled in automatically, he loved not having to sleep alone. Having someone he trusted with him allowed him to relax in a way he rarely was able to. He trusted Deaq completely and even though it was a tight fit on the couch the way Deaq held him protectively he knew the man would never let him slip over the edge both literally and figuratively.

Deaq knew this wasn't over and they would have a lot to talk about tomorrow. He heard Van sigh contentedly and realized he himself felt more comfortable than he had in months. Sure he'd shared his bed with a few ladies since returning to L.A. but it had never felt so secure, so right. He let himself place a light kiss on the back of Van's head as though it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Yep, they were gonna have a LOT to talk about in the morning.

Before falling into an exhausted sleep Van whispered three words to Deaq, "Glad you stayed."

*****************

When Billie returned to the Candy Store after the successful bust she expected to find her men doing something, playing some basketball, watching t.v. or God forbid doing some paper work. Seeing them as they were she would have been less surprised if she had found them building origami swans and listening to Mozart. Her subordinates were spooned up on the couch together dead to the world. Billie noticed the heavy bandages on Van's hands and dried blood on his shirt. His injuries had obviously been attended to so she could wait until morning to find out what had happened. They looked so comfortable sleeping there together that she had absolutely no intention of waking them. That didn't mean she was about to let this go. Billie quietly went and retrieved a Polaroid camera and took a picture of the two. She put the camera away and took the photograph into her office and watched it slowly develop. She didn't know why she took the picture: blackmail for fun, to embarrass them later, or just to save the moment when she had finally seen both men relaxed and at peace for the first time.

The moment seemed like saving even if she couldn't figure why.

End

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